Another one of those days.......

I don't even know where to begin.

I decided to go to the Baby Café. I haven't gone the last few weeks, but I decided to go today because it was the last time for summer (and then it starts back up in August).

I get there and there are 2 other moms there. Both of their babies are 2½ months old. One asked how old Leia is, and I said "sju" (7), and she didn't understand me. Which is weird. Because I am one of the only foreigners that say "sju" and not "shoe." So I had to say it about 15 times for her to understand what I was saying. And that was really, really awkward.

One of the workers suggested that we go into the play room, because it was about 40 minutes before it was starting (we were all early, not knowing that it was starting at 10.30 instead of the normal 10.00).

We went into the room, and the two moms sat diagonally across from each other and layed their babies on the floor infront of them. Leia and I went over to the toys so that she could play. She started playing and they started talking. She started crawling around, and one of the moms (the one that didn't understand my "horribly" pronounced 'sju') was very impressed about Leia's crawling. I told her that she started at 5 months. The other mom then turned to the one I was talking to (as if I wasn't even there) and said to the effect of "so-and-so's baby started crawling at 4-5 months, and was walking at 11." Then she changed the subject with her and went on to something else.

Leia crawled around some more and then found her way to the babies. She sat down between them and kept looking at them. The moms were then talking about how big their babies were when they were born. The "friendlier" one asked how big Leia was and I answered, and then I said that she was a little baby. Then no one said anything else... for a long time. I prompted Leia to continue moving, and as soon as Leia and I were about 3 feet away from them, they started talking again.
At that point I got my stuff and left the room.

I go out in the hallway and there are 3 of the moms from my parents group that are there as well. There were probably about 25-30 of us total.

So we all go into the church and sit down and sing a couple of songs. Leia is very happy and loving it all and clapping her hands and all of that. After a few songs, we get up and there are stations set up around the church for the babies. One place has different musical instruments, another has different fabrics and feathers the baby can touch and feel, and another has lots of different fruit cut up and herbs, and some flowers, too, to smell and touch.

Leia tasted a lemon for the first time. :) She didn't make a face at all. :) She liked it. :)) But she made a face with the orange, though. :) But she liked it. She really liked the feathers, too. Most people went around together and talked and stuff. Leia and I went around by ourselves. But we had fun anyways.

After that we went to the front of the church and sang a couple of church hymns.

Then there was a brunch (fika) outside, up above the church. There is such a beautiful view there, over the lake and harbor. Very beautiful.

I got up to the spot and there were tables set up and chairs. And my heart just sank, I knew this wasn't going to go well.

I waited for a few minutes, and a couple of people sat down. I then went over to a table and just sat down, thinking that I might as well pick a place.

I was going through Leia's bag to find her favorite little, pink, kitty rattle. Then the priest (female) came over and started talking to Leia and said that she loves her little shirt (the övningsgår shirt). She left..
And when I looked up.. the other 3 chairs at my table were gone and everyone was already seated with everyone else.

They took my chairs.
Fine if no one wanted to sit with me ... but instead of a couple of people sitting with me, they took my chairs so that they could sit somewhere else.

Wow.
Talk about feeling awful.

I was stunned, and then.. I felt so.. foolish sitting by myself like that .. that I had to get up. I especially had to go somewhere because I was going to start crying. I got up and took Leia out of her stroller, and I saw one of the parent moms standing and then saying something to the other people at her table.

I took Leia into the small gazebo that was there, to let her play with some toys. She was happy and playing, and I was trying my best to blink away my tears while SMSing Fredrik like crazy. (He responded and told me that I should just leave - and I should have.)

I was on my knees, behind Leia, facing the entrance, when the parent-group person came over and said (in English) that I could go sit with them. I didn't look at her, I didn't raise my head, I just said "bra" (good) and that was all.

For some reason it made me even more angry that she asked me in English.

I didn't look up at her for several reasons. One, I don't respect her. And I'm NOT going to go sit with them..... And three, I didn't want her to see me crying.

I stayed in there longer, letting Leia have fun and play, and I was trying to figure out what I was going to do. I'm sure the parent-group person went back to the table, and they were all thinking that I am a bitch for not being so incredibly greatful that they eventually felt sorry enough for me to ask me to come sit with them after everyone had pretty much dismissed my existance.

And like I was going to go sit at their small, round plastic table, which already had 5 adults sitting there, with 5 baby carriages around it .. and one of them a twin-stroller.

One of the singing people that work there came and said that she would hold Leia while I got something to eat. She is one of the ones that always comes and talks to us because no one else acts like we are visible. She held Leia and while I got a small sandwich she went and talked to someone at a table, I'm assuming asking if I could sit there. I got my sandwich and she told me that I should sit down at that spot, and so I just took the chair and went there and told her to bring the stroller over so she would put Leia down and leave us alone.

The one sitting there asked how old Leia is, and again I said "sju" and she said "shoe??" .................

Then the 2 at my table sat and talked to 2 at the next table .. and the conversations went like this:
"My husband knows so and so who works in Bengtsfors."
"I know who that is! I went to school with his wife."

How am I supposed to join in on conversations like that ?!
I can't.

I just wanted to leave as quickly as I could. I probably should have left when I noticed the chairs were gone. Might have made some of them think a little.

I went and threw my stuff away and Leia and I left.
And not only was my tummy hurting like crazy at that point, and fighting back tears and anger, but it started raining, and rained very heavily for my 15 minute walk home - and I didn't have an umbrella or a jacket.

It stopped raining as soon as I got home.

Leia fell asleep as soon as we started our way home, and she slept for a few minutes when we got home, then she woke up screaming, and I couldn't get her to stop, and she wouldn't take any milk.

I got in bed with her and finally got her to sleep after ½ an hour, and then 5 minutes later Pappa called my cell phone, which is in the room with us, and woke Leia up.. :(((
I know he called for good intentions, but I was angry.. :/ :) It had taken so long to get her to sleep, and then she had started screaming again.
But we got back in bed and she fell asleep right away and she slept for about 2 hours. I got to sleep for a little, but it was difficult, seeing as I didn't get any lunch, and my head hurt like crazy, and my tummy was grumbling.

I got lunch at 15.50, which was nothing more than a couple bites of leftovers.
So Pappa went and got us pizza when he got home. Much needed and deserved.

It is difficult for me to not think that it is me that is the problem.
I don't think it is ... but it is still difficult to not think otherwise.
Fredrik says they are all probably waiting for someone else to do something.

Mormor says that living in Åmål sounds like starting at a new high school with 10 000 students and you're the new kid and there is one clique that everyone is in.

Maybe the other mommies are jealous that our baby isn't inbred.
(That's a joke.)

It is as if I'm not even there. I look around and people don't look at me or make eye contact or smile. There isn't much I can do if people don't acknowledge my existance.

Fredrik doesn't want to go to any more of the parent group meetings. And I don't either. So we'll see what happens when the next one rolls around in August.

I just.. could NOT let something like that happen if I was in the other situation. If there was a new person and they were all alone and no one talked to them.

They took my chairs !!
"They took our jobs !!"
"De doo der doj !!"

I dunno ......

But I don't think I have ever felt so miserable in all my life.
What is wrong with these people?