Depressing.

Yeah.. so I had a depressing day here today. :/

Leia and I went to the Baby Café ... and the whole thing was fine. She behaved extremely well. And then we went to the car seat presentation, where we didn't learn anything new and we wasted an hour of our time... but anywho..

Two people from my parent group were there, and I kept trying to make eye contact with both of them, and they completely acted as if I wasn't alive. And that was a bit depressing. Because one of them especially knows that we'd like to talk to people, and get to know people, etc.. Not like I expect her to be my friend outside of that building, but she could at least acknowledge my presence while we are there.

So, I just shrugged it off, but when I was feeding Leia some lunch (sitting by myself), one of the worker woman came and sat with us and chit-chatted. And it was so.. superficial. An: I'm-not-really-interested-in-talking-to-you-but-I-have-to-because-you-are-sitting-by-yourself.

And that made me sad.
Pity-chat.

After Fredrik got home, I just broke down and started crying. I don't think I'm ever going to make friends here. I've always had a difficult time making friends with Swedish females. And in a small town like this, it is even more difficult.

I just don't have anything in common with them.
Personally, I think they are: annoyingly super-trendy, high maintenance, superficial, arrogant, and have surprisingly very insecure.
When I went to my medicine class in our other town, all they would sit and talk about was clothes, shopping, what color they were going to dye their hair next week...... My head almost exploded after listening to them for about 5 minutes.

I can't fill the role of English-speaking friend, because I speak Swedish. I think that if I didn't speak Swedish to people, I would have friends in an instant. (Which is really, really sad.)

I have such an easy time making friends with anyone else, but just not Swedish females. My foreign classmates love me, especially the Asians, they are somehow always magnetized to me from day one (especially the ones from Vietnam). But anywho...

And in the US, something like this would never, EVER happen. If someone new showed up to a group, or in a town, especially a small town, people would be all over them trying to make them feel welcome. So it is making me a bit homesick for being around friendly people. (And making me very homesick for all the friends I left behind in Nyköping.)

And it isn't like I want 100 friends. I just want 1 or 2. I don't need lots of friends to be happy. Just someone to chat with in person, or get together with every now and then.
But people here want lots of friends, someone different to chat with every day of the year... but only people that they've known since coming out of the womb.

Ehhh....

I'm not just going to go and sit down at a table with people.. because.. that is wrong. They should see me and pleasantly invite me to join them... Otherwise, I'm not going to think they want me to join.... I'm not going to force my way in, I'd rather sit by myself.

Swedes are SO difficult to talk to..

In a normal conversation, the dialog goes back and forth. You shouldn't have to ask a question for someone else to offer information.. And I get so turned off by always having to repeat a question that was just asked to me. People here (Swedes in general, actually) obviously can't give their own thoughts, ideas, or any kind of personal information without being asked a specific question.

So I have a bad headache from my crying.
Realizing and being sad that I probably will never be able to make any friends here.

Fredrik has done a good job of making me feel better. Telling me that there was an editorial in the regional newspaper, complaining about how it is impossible to make friends in Åmål, unless you are inbred and live within 5 feet of every family member.

So today was a bad living-in-Sweden day.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better.